Cyber Bullying

Cyber bullying is something that has become a very real threat to mental well being. Children & Adolescents are using the internet and social media as ways to communicate and this generation in particular have grown up with technology and social media in a way that many of the older generation didn't. It is the normal way for them to communicate however it would appear that, as with any other way of communicating, there needs to be more education on how to protect and mind yourself while communicating in this way. There is also a need to learn and educate ourselves on what defines healthy and appropriate communication. We teach our children & adolescents everyday Life Skills from the day they are born and now it is time to start educating them to use these when dealing with social media/networking - the same rules regarding Life Skills apply here it's just another arena.

• Firstly parents and adults need to know more about this way of communicating, they need to educate themselves on how things like Facebook work. Make yourself familiar with the internet; the more you know the less in the dark you are going to be. Know how to protect your children & adolescents from abusive sites.

• Talk to your teenager about their profile or account, what they are using it for, what kind of pages they like etc. Get to know them, get to know what they like, have open discussions with them on different topics. You are not always going to be around to keep an eye and part of growing up and developing is learning to make your own moral decisions. Talk to them about their privacy settings and make sure they do not except random requests for friendship from people they don't know.

• Limit the time they spend on the computer, and know all the ways that they have of accessing their computer; for instance do they have access to the internet on their phone or their ipod? Many people think that because they are off the computer they don't have access to facebook but they can connect in other ways.

• When they are getting abusive or nasty messages from anybody make sure they know what to do. For instance, the more they engage the worse it will get, they should talk to you or a trusted adult in how to deal with this, they can also report it. Conflict, arguments, falling out with friends is all part of growing up - the most appropriate way of dealing with an issue is face to face, sending messages via text or facebook are not appropriate ways of dealing with conflict and they can become abusive very easily. They can also last a lot longer than a conversation and the things that are posted can be reread 24/7 which can only be retraumatising for anybody reading that kind of stuff.

• You can report any of these things to the Gardai and by all accounts the Gardai I hear have been very supportive to people who have found themselves in this kind of situation.

• It might also be wise to inform the school particularly if the bullies are children or adolescents in the same class.

• Websites that do not have proper monitoring are only at some level encouraging abusive behaviour - most professional websites have ways of monitoring and reporting abusive behaviour; if they don't, don't use them! You still need to be able to make your own judgements on whether communication is being abusive or not.

• Anger management is essential when dealing with conflict - when we respond in anger we often lose focus on what is really important. Learning how to stand back and not meet negative energy with more negative energy is a real skill. Because the internet and texting are so readily available generally people may respond or write things without thinking about the impact. It's not that people don't do that in other ways of communicating but it can happen so much more easily when we have access to technology and it happens too often that people regret that text they might have sent in the heat of the moment, or late at night. When communicating always give yourself time to think about what you are going to say and how it may impact on yourself and others.

Good self-confidence, good boundaries, assertiveness skills, anger management skills and healthy communication are all good tools for your child & adolescent when dealing with the internet but are also skills that will last a lifetime.

The bottom line is that you would never drop your child in a situation that is unfamiliar to them and expect them to navigate their own way through it without teaching them coping skills, the internet is no different.

Stay Safe :-)