Anne B’s “S.H.I.T.E. Busting Technique”

Hi all,

 This little piece has been inspired by a few different experiences and struggles, personal ones and  hearing friends going through their own experiences and difficulties and everywhere else that  “shite” has raised its ugly head. It’s written a little tongue in cheek, so take it with the humour that is meant but also there is a serious side to it, and remember the good points that might help when you are dealing with “shite”.   It got me wondering how some people seem to have to deal with what would appear to be more than their fair share of “shite”, while others seem to glide through life without “shite”.  Maybe that is just an illusion because without a doubt life in general tends to throw a fair amount of “Shite” around at any given moment and we have to learn to deal with it, manage it and above all learn to protect ourselves when we are experiencing it. 

One wonders though are there people out there who are too good at dealing with “Shite” and therefore it seems to land on their doorstep all the time, others who just ignore the “Shite” and don’t deal with it, there are people who may be too good at throwing “Shite” around so it sticks to everyone else, and some people who seem to have what can only be described as “Shite magnets”!   By “Shite” I mean all the crap stuff that happens, I am sure I don’t have to go in to detail about what these are here we can all identify, need I say more?....  All in all we can learn a lot from “shite”  but there is no doubt that’s it hard when you are in the thick of it!  So I came up with a little acronym that I thought might be helpful and also a bit amusing because in the end of the day it is essential that we hold on to our sense of humour, being able to laugh at the “shite” is probably one of our great defences!

So let’s look at the word “Shite” and see what we can come up with:

S stands for simplify:  What are you experiencing, what are you hearing – take the problem and have a good long look at it, get help, get support and simplify – often problems can look like a big old tangled mess; when we simplify we can start to see a route through and maybe a few different options that we were missing along the way.

H hatch the plan:  look at the options, sound them out.  Don’t rush into any decisions, get advice, there is many a decision made in haste looking for the quick solution which may not be always the best at hand in fact it may increase the difficulties later on.  H also stands for hope hang on to that hope and don’t let it go, it is one of the things that can really motivate you and also it's worth remembering the tricky situations you were in before that you managed to get out of, that is resilience and you have it more than you know.

I is imagine:  what your life would be without this “shite”!  Think it through and give yourself moments of “shite free time”, take a walk, meet a friend, have a cup of coffee, do something nice for yourself.  Imagine when all this has blown over and what your life might look like then, remember all “shite” passes eventually.

T is for transform:  You will reach a point of transformation when all this has passed and you will learn more about yourself along the way, you will discover your strengths and your weaknesses and learn to work with both, one of these days you might actually thank the “shite” for teaching you the lesson, but that takes time and progress.

E is for emergence:  There is nothing like knowing that you have worked through the “shite” and come out at the other end.  A bit like the Phoenix coming out of the Ashes, time to rebuild, refocus on what’s important.  Life is ever evolving and so are we, we can always work on picking ourselves up and moving on to the next phase, don’t let anybody else’s “shite” keep you down – if you do you are giving them way too much power over your life!

 

Add to the above, self-care, self-respect, assertiveness, boundaries and good communication skills - are all necessary skills and needs to be aware of.

To finish I think a quote from Mark Twain will suffice:

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight; it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” Mark Twain

 

The Psychotherapeutic Journey - What is it?

Hi All,

My inspiration for the blog this week is the "Green Ribbon" Campaign that See Change are promoting for the month of May, encouraging people to talk about Mental Health issues and to challenge Stigma.  On that note I thought it might be a good idea to talk about what psychotherapy can offer to people who might be interested in looking at how it helps.  I have heard it said that "psychotherapy" is one of the best kept secrets in the world and maybe now is a good time to share that "secret"!  Psychotherapy is one of the professions that seems to be covered by some mysterious veil -it has often been my experience that  as soon as I mention that I am a psychotherapist that people can become cautiously intrigued; there can be a lot of misunderstanding about what the experience offers and I hope in this blog to explain the potential that psychotherapy has to offer, it is hard to sum up because the experience is unique to each individual but bear with me and hopefully you can get some insight into the deeper experience of what psychotherapy is.

I have often been asked "what is a psychotherapist? "What's the difference between psychotherapy, psychiatry & psychology?" - as I said it's difficult to give a short answer to these kind of questions; however on reflection I think the best way of summing it up is to reflect on my own journey through psychotherapy. It is in a nutshell the discovery of self- a personal journey to reflect and understand the experiences we have had on life and how they have influenced our lives today. The journey can be tough at times; we need the ability and the willingness to explore all the different aspects of ourselves, our weaknesses and our strengths. This can lead us to a better understanding of how we relate to the world around us, being fully aware of our constructive and destructive tendencies.

Psychotherapy provides us with the opportunity to truly discover our authentic selves, truly know our belief systems and what we value including ourselves, the many talents that we have to enjoy and share in the world we live in. Often we can lose a sense of these as we are growing up for all kinds of reasons; early trauma, repeated traumas, unrealistic expectations, judgements, the environment we live in, relationships we experience: the list goes on.  Through our experiences we may actually lose touch with a part of ourselves before we even truly know it e.g. creativity, emotional awareness; a sense of being robbed of something we didn't even know we had! That is something that I firmly believe that psychotherapy can help with; to rediscover ourselves in a whole new way, taking the fragmented parts of ourselves and bringing them back to a sense of wholeness. No matter what we tend to face in our life we will  know that there is a good solid foundation that can deal with the many challenges life throws at us; even though we may feel extremely vulnerable in it, there is a rich strength within ourselves that we know won't abandon us in our hour of need.

What's the difference in the different mental health professions?  In psychotherapy you won't get a diagnosis; however if there are mental health issues we can work with them in conjunction with a psychiatrist or a GP if necessary to meet your needs.  Psychology; in truth there is a huge amount of psychology in psychotherapy; it gives us a greater understanding of LifeSpan Development and many of the theoretical influences from psychology have added to and expanded the rich knowledge that is evident within the field of psychotherapy.  One more thing that I believe is that psychotherapy can also incorporate a deep philosophical aspect to the therapeutic work that maybe other professions in the field of mental health don't offer.

I also believe that  when you embark on this psychotherapeutic journey that you need to be accompanied by a therapist who has had  this experience;  someone who can hear and understand what you need to speak, to accompany you on your journey and support you, to acknowledge and affirm your experiences, and to assist you in exploring what you need while keeping things in perspective, it is about you finding direction in your life.  Psychotherapy is about finding a safe place to talk, there are no expectations and no judgements, it is a place that will allow you to be as you need to be, an acceptance of where you find yourself at any given time.  Understandably it is often at moments of crisis that people find themselves coming to psychotherapy, crisis brings with it that need for change, the need to understand and the need to make meaning out of what is happening and how we transcend this crisis intact. 

"Transformation of our trauma in a creative way requires us to go beyond the wrongs done to us and not to oppose or avenge, but to transcend our pain and injustice.  This does not mean to forgive and forget, but rather to understand comprehend what has happened and go beyond it in some way."  (Emmy van Deurzen - Psychotherapy and the Quest for Happiness 2009 p 123)

Crisis and catharsis can go hand in hand, going through crisis can without a doubt be a lonely place, it brings with it great stress and distress but knowing at some level we can work through it can provide us with a very necessary lifeline.   The word Crisis can cover a multitude, and of course there are many different crises that we can face in our lives.  We may have an understanding of the word crisis such as a trauma that has happened, or a life crisis through illness or separation; when we compare our experiences it may be that we think our problem is not worthy enough of support or indeed not big enough for psychotherapy that we are making a mountain out of a molehill.  It might be worth remembering though that  there is also that cognitive dissonance that we can feel when we are trying to live our lives through other peoples expectations rather than a true knowing of what we need ourselves and the direction in which we want to go;  this can truly be one of the most lonely and isolating places to be. Psychotherapy I believe can offer a space to deal with this loneliness and gain a greater understanding of living by offering much needed support for someone to embark on a journey of understanding of what it is like to engage in truly authentic living.

"The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering." Ben Okri

References: 
Psychotherapy and the Quest for Happiness by Emmy van Deurzen
                 
Existential Counselling & Psychotherapy in Practice Third Edition by Emmy van Deurzen

The Debtor's Prison in today's world

This blog was inspired by reading an interview by Neil Morrisey who played Fagin in the recent  
production of Oliver in Dublin.  I unfortunately didn't get to see the production but was intrigued while reading the interview when I came across the fact that Charles Dickens' father had been sent to a Debtors' Prison and how this had had a huge impact on Charles Dickens' life.  Curiosity got the better of me and I found myself reading more about Charles Dickens and his experiences here is a link to some of them http://www.historyinanhour.com/2012/02/07/dickens-and-debt/. As you can see it wasn't an easy life and family life became completely fragmented, on the other hand you can see where he channelled a lot of his experiences into writing which were invaluable.

Well we all know and can be thankful that things have changed but it got me thinking about the impact of this recession and the financial crisis that Ireland continues to try and deal with; the impact that this is having on families and individuals.  We have seen Pieta House launch a new campaign called Mind Our Men because there are 8 males completing a suicide every week in Ireland.  Another article I read spoke of averages of 1 in 4 people suffering mental health issues in their lives, but because of financial pressures that becomes 1 in 2.  I read another story in the paper today and the concern for teenagers who are reaching higher levels of stress, self-harm and suicidal behaviour and the thinking behind this is because teenagers are having to deal in their own way with the stresses that this recession is having on families  Everyday we hear about spending cuts, new taxes and how these taxes are going to be paid one way or the other, if not willingly they can be taken from your wages.  Insolvency laws that have now been introduced are coming in for some harsh criticism, and we hear stories about politicians making references to what kind of things people should or should not be spending their money on - there was a reference made to having the money to pay for something like sky television and that this was questionable, banks dictating where people can send their children to school and how much money a family should be able to spend on food and more recently the possibility of women being forced to quit their jobs if they cannot afford childcare.  We hear about people who are in negative equity and how they will be paying off mortgages for the rest of their lives. 

It appears that although we may not have the same kind of Debtors' Prison that we had many many years ago, however we seem to have invented a new kind of one.  We don't lock up people anymore in prisons for debt but through reckless lending and reckless property pricing among other things we have managed to create a society that has locked people into a prison of debt;, there aren't any bars on the windows but what's on offer doesn't seem to be offering people a lot of freedom or support in helping them to manage their way through it.  It seems that as always the people who created the mess continue to thrive, declaring bankruptcy in other countries with proclamations about reinventing their businessess and other people who are left behind to pick up the pieces are carrying the burden!

In the midst of all this pressure and stress though I am reminded again why everybody needs to be aware of how they self-care and help themselves deal with the pressure and stress.  Don't be afraid to look for help, and although there is a perception that Psychotherapy and Counselling can be costly, my advice is to look for and find therapists who offer this service and can meet your needs.  There is no need for people to have to wait either, some of the voluntary organisations have long waiting lists but there our Centres like ourselves www.johnstowntherapy.com who continue to offer services to people at a cost that they can afford.  Your health is your wealth!

Happy New Year for 2013

Hi All,

Well here we are in 2013 having survived xmas and all that goes with it.  I hope you all had a lovely xmas and wish you all the best for the new year.

January is often a month when people are winding down from the xmas festivities and looking at what the new year might hold for them.  It is a time when people start to look back on the year that has been and assess what they might want to change for the New Year.  New Years resolution are made and there is a need to start afresh; out with the old and in with the new.

I gave up making new years resolutions a long time ago, figuring that if I need to change anything that I should do it when it's necessary rather than waiting for the new year to come along.  I have often found that we can put so much pressure on ourselves to come up with several different new years resolutions that by the time the lists are made and January comes to and end we can feel exhausted and all too often lose the motivation for the goals we so eagerly set.  The list becomes a thing of the past, forgotten about and in one way was always doomed for failure because there was just too much on it in the first place.

So wouldn't it be a good idea if you really want to change something to pick one thing to start with and really commit to it, make a plan, work on it and see what motivates you, set some goals and if that doesn't work revisit the plan and see what will work.  See how you feel at the end of it and then tackle something else.


"What we call the beginning is often the end.  And to make an end is to make a beginning.  The end is where we start from."  T.S. Eliot
Whatever your goal for this year, I hope you achieve it and wish you all the best for 2013 may it be a great one for you.  More blogs to come in the New Year enjoy 2013 :-).